tonight

a month or two ago another comic and i chose st patrick's day to promote for the club. we decided to put on a clean show and invite a bunch of local churches. the only church that ended up getting the info was good old calvary. i also spent a ton of time sending messages to friends on facebook, texting pretty much everyone in my phone and putting ads on craigslist... to the avail of 30 reservations. i needed at least 200. i obviously have absolutely no idea how to promote.

the other comic and i met up last night to hand out the fliers i designed and printed. we went to berean, the christian book store across the street and i felt weird going in without buying anything... so i found the original jars of clay cd and while i was paying for it she asked if we could leave some fliers at the front. when we left she asked why we didn't just request to talk with a manager to begin with and i asked her why she didn't say something while we were in there and i was looking for that cd. she said that she's over all of this and wanted to just leave. i was too stressed about the show to give any pep talks so we went to denny's, left some fliers then went our separate ways. i handed out some fliers around my neighborhood but no one likes a salesman so i got a lot of up-turned noses. i left some fliers in the neighborhood coffee shop and went home to rearrange the living room.

our furniture is too big for the living room, by the way.

i'm trying not to stress about the show tonight but i'm partially afraid that the club will say that it's not worth it to do a show with so few reservations, or that of my 30 that only 10 will actually show. all i can do is pray.

i blasted the jars of clay cd my whole way home last night. it's so so so good. yes it is from like '95 and i listened to it in the 6th grade... but back then i couldn't appreciate it's perfection and i can see why jars of clay didn't put out any albums for so long after it. every single song is beautiful and packed with thoughtful instrumentation and lyrics. every single one of them.

promoting

so last night was interesting. being booked on a show at winston's definitely made me feel differently about the place. i used to feel intensely more awkward when it was just an open mic for me. staying for the whole show gives it a different feel. i handed out fliers all afternoon with kim before the show, which was an a new experience. it was really hard for me to reach out to people, even just to hand them a small piece of paper. also, i didn't see anyone that took a flier at the show. a bunch of my friends showed up though, that was awesome. and some of them brought friends too. i did fair, i think. i kept everyone's attention and got big laughs on the jokes that i believe in. some of my friends that were there haven't seen me on stage since my first couple times a year ago. back when i wasn't taking it seriously. they told me that they were really impressed with the amount of progress i've made which is really nice to hear. i also received some positive feedback from the dude that runs the room who, actually started with me way back when i wasn't serious about it... i don't think my friends even recognized him because of the amount that he's grown in the last year. he's a real pro now.
my buddy !b helped me design the fliers i was handing out, and since i've been showing off my skills more lately i've been getting a lot of attention in the designing department. soon !b and i along with some other team members will be forming project typo more. first line of business will be the development and creation or advertisements. i've also had a few requests for business cards from comics... which really challenges my creativity. business cards are very important.
the new apartment is soooo lovely. a friend lives very close by so i've been spending a lot of time with her. i love the area we're in, it reminds me so much of life in arkansas. it's a small neighborhood with supermarket, coffee shop, bars and restaurants in walking distance. i love walking!

music

i hope one day i can create something as beautiful as an acoustic guitar playing on a dark cloudy day while palm trees swish and bend in the wind

no such thing as luck

about two blocks away from the place i had my heart set on - we find an apartment complex with a vacancy and a landlord looking to fill the apartment immediately! gtg

now

it all comes back to choice.

i am who i choose to be. if i'm not satisfied with that it's time to make some changes.

there is only one instant and it's all of eternity and it's right now (wl). i can't keep putting things off because all i have is right now. with anything that i do - i will only be as good as the amount of time that i put into it.

glimmer

normally if i really get my heart set on something and pray and wish really hard for it... it falls through. and this week has been no exception. apartment hunting led me to the cutest little duplex i'd ever seen in south park. it felt like part of the shire with lush greenery surrounding it on the side of a canyon, and a neighborhood fire pit circled with lawn chairs. the first day i saw the ad on craigslist joe and i drove to the apartment and wandered around the outside of it and i loved it. calling the number on the listing immediately, they informed me that the tenant would be occupying the residence for another week and that they could put my name down to call when it was ready to view and i began holding my breath, daydreaming. monday i didn't hear anything so i decided on tuesday that i would call to start filling out an application, i didn't care what the inside looked like, i wanted that apartment. as soon as i got off work, i went to my car and called the rental agency. the apartment had been filled. i cried.

in a way i guess i felt like that apartment was symbolic of who i want to be... of everything that i want...

that goes back also to a graphic design position that was being offered at the company i work for. in december i sent a resume and samples of my work. i kept checking on the career posting making sure that the position was still available and didn't hear anything from the hr department. eventually saw the position disappear from the open positions page and shortly after that a company email was sent out welcoming a new member to the creative department.

comedy, of course, has it's highs and lows... and i don't really talk about the highs much but i have had a couple of really good shows in the last couple months... but since feb 13th it's been mostly lows... not really able to get responses from the audience that i'm looking for, not really able to come up with very good new material, i'm just overall dissatisfied with myself. i'm the only one that can change it.

this morning i was finally contacted by the hr department. she told me that she had received my resume and that i didn't have the experience that they were looking for. the candidate that they chose had a degree from RISD. she said, though, that they have a program, lynda, that offers tutorials for designs and adobe programs that they could give me access to for refining my skills outside of work. it's a pretty expensive set-up so i am really grateful for them offering that to me.

i need to go back to school.

i hate it when i can't make everyone happy! i hate it when i can't make everyone like me! i hate being unhappy!!!!

there's always going to be something to complain about, there's always going to be someone unhappy, there's always going to be someone that doesn't like me...

the point is for me to be happy and satisfied with my decisions. for me to be confident, and commit to the decisions i make. to be positive, constructive and grateful.

and even though there's always going to be someone that doesn't like me, or is annoyed with me... i still need to be aware of how i'm treating people and i need to be less wrapped up in my own awkwardness. it's a little selfish to always be looking for something funny... it's a little selfish to be so self-conscious that i'm unaware of other people's feelings... everything is sort of a balancing game and it's interesting how even nutrition plays a part in being mentally balanced.

i'd like to be a more balanced individual... i wonder if the wii fit could help with that