annoying

when i first started doing comedy i had no idea what i was getting into, how many layers there are to this art or how many people flow through it. crowds can be pliable, they can be forgiving and they can be brutal. some crowds are so brutal they don't even realizing they're ruining the show. i guess that's a lesson that i'm going to have to learn as i continue... how to defend against the brutality. i'm not strong enough yet i think, i went retarded for a second last night and the encouraging voices of my friends from behind the stage lights kept me from retreating completely into the back of my mind. i will not be demeaned, right? i will not be yelled at? yes i have a lot to learn. i don't want to become jaded... i don't want to ever think 'fuck you it's funny' when a crowd doesn't laugh. but i do need to figure out my own style of gently yet firmly reminding the audience that they are the audience and not the entertainment.

there are so many different personalities to deal with in this business! it seems that naturally in an organized environment things will get very political. why can't we all just strive to be decent human beings and respect each other? nothing is more frustrating when people can't see outside of their own point of view. try putting yourself in someone else's shoes for a while, people of earth!

i have been getting booked on more shows which is pretty awesome. a couple are stage time in return for making flyers because i'm a pro at that. but a few are just people asking me to be a part of them. i can see why more of my friends haven't asked me to be on their shows as week to week i'm inconsistent comdedicly. i definitely need more stage time to develop more. gah! such a cycle!

one of my biggest fears is being considered an annoying person... and i try really hard to be considerate, helpful, constructive and positive...