love is a choice, a decision, a commitment. it's our choices and decisions in life that define who we are, not our experiences, pains or family. the only reason that anyone does anything in life is because they want to. positive or negative. i remember falling in love with my husband... and i remember doing it on purpose, not by accident. it didn't just happen on it's own, i let it happen. i remember being in tragic circumstances and letting myself be depressed. those were experiences that i have never felt before and i reveled in it, going deeper and darker hurting myself and everyone around me. it also didn't take more than a few months for me to realize the pain i was causing to everyone around me and that life is nothing without beauty, strength and love. i've experienced a lot of sadness and terrible experiences since that initial one and each time i make a conscious decision to not let that define me... to not sit in the pool of dark emotion that accompanies tragedy. every decision i've made in life has made me who i am today including the decision to let God lead me. there's a really strange thought pervading society that "yourself" is someone out there that needs to be "found." i have no idea where this comes from but i do know that it causes people to stop taking responsibility for their actions and emotions. actions more than emotions because even though we can't control how we feel all the time we CAN control EVERYTHING that we do. always. everything that a person does is because they want to. no other reason. we only do what we want. "well i do things sometimes that i don't want to do but i need to so i do them anyway" then the part of you that needs it is the part that wants it and that's why you do it. "i don't want to pay my bills but i do anyway" that's because you want to stay out of debt. "i don't want to get out of bed every day but i do" that's because you want to keep your job. and it's even those small decisions in life that makes us who we are, having character and reliability, being responsible and making priorities. sometimes it takes being irresponsible to realize that it's not what you want. sometimes people realize that they don't want to be responsible ever and they usually end up jobless and homeless and on drugs or alcohol because it's fun so that becomes their priority. there are things in life that happen out of our control but it's how we act and what we do that defines us.
haven't figured out if this is really the way i feel but i used to tell myself "God is love and love is the only reason to live." i'll have to think on that one some more.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
life is a day that doesn't last for long
i came across a switchfoot song today that brought back some memories. it's from the album 'meant to live' that came out the year i graduated high school. a lot happened that summer, graduating and leaving my high school friends, dorothy getting married and moving away, starting college. it's amazing how far we've all come since then now as molly is planning her wedding too... and kind of funny to me how much i've matured and how more more i still have to grow. but it's fun to go back to those times in my thoughts, and this song brings back memories especially of sharon and how obsessed with this switchfoot album we were. this wasn't even our favorite song from it but we'd dance around, singing along. what i like about it also is the romanticism that we delved so much into it 12th grade literature class. i'm at work and keep getting distracted, so i'm going to end it here. here's a video of the song. fyi... the lyrics on this video are incorrect with improper punctuation. i didn't make it :)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
childhood moments
a couple amusing moments from my childhood that i remembered today:
in first grade i was bragging to one of melody's friends about how good i was at reading. she showed me one of her spelling words and asked me if i knew what it said... i said "cigar" but it was "sugar"
in kindergarten when asking what i wanted to be when i grew up i answered "vegetarian" when i meant "veterinarian"
in first grade we were at an open house for melody's class and i was cold so i put my jacket on... it took me a little while with my little arms but eventually got them into the sleeves. when i finished i looked up and the adults were all smiling at me. i thought that they were just impressed that i could put my jacket on myself but it turns out that i put my jacket on upside down.
it's kinda fun having those memories of being so small and how big everything used to be back then.
in first grade i was bragging to one of melody's friends about how good i was at reading. she showed me one of her spelling words and asked me if i knew what it said... i said "cigar" but it was "sugar"
in kindergarten when asking what i wanted to be when i grew up i answered "vegetarian" when i meant "veterinarian"
in first grade we were at an open house for melody's class and i was cold so i put my jacket on... it took me a little while with my little arms but eventually got them into the sleeves. when i finished i looked up and the adults were all smiling at me. i thought that they were just impressed that i could put my jacket on myself but it turns out that i put my jacket on upside down.
it's kinda fun having those memories of being so small and how big everything used to be back then.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
make 'm laugh
joseph and i have begun to permeate the local stand-up comedy scene here in san diego. joseph has been having a little more than moderate success at consistently inventing new jokes while improving on his favorites.
i have a couple jokes that entertain folks from time to time. the first couple times i went on stage it went pretty awesome. people laughed and applauded. this most recent time i tried my set on a completely new audience and it went terribly.
after tuesday's set it really made me reconsider ever going on stage again. i tell everyone the funniest stuff i've ever thought of and get nothing in response. besides maybe a chuckle or two in the back. i don't want to be the one that people feel sorry for or think "who told her she's funny?" i sat in the back for a little while thinking about the set, trying to figure out what went wrong and wishing that someone would just tell me that i'm not right for comedy. if i'm not entertaining anyone what's the point? i watched the rest of the show, some comics worked the crowd well, others did just as bad as i did. right before we left one of the best local comediennes in the area stopped me. she said she loved one of my jokes and asked me why i don't go on stage at more venues then gave me advice on where to go. i felt so flattered.
i guess i'm not really trying to be a comic but joseph is. and he's way better at it and actually has professional material. i go with him to the shows and since i'm there and i have a couple jokes that can make 'm laugh sometimes so i may as well tell my jokes and refine my act. it's not going to be easy every time. and if nothing else, knowing what it's like at the mic will help me be more supportive of joesph.
one comic made a really good point: doing stand-up is like learning to play the guitar but you can only practice for a few minutes at a time and you can only practice in front of an audience. it's rough.
i have a couple jokes that entertain folks from time to time. the first couple times i went on stage it went pretty awesome. people laughed and applauded. this most recent time i tried my set on a completely new audience and it went terribly.
after tuesday's set it really made me reconsider ever going on stage again. i tell everyone the funniest stuff i've ever thought of and get nothing in response. besides maybe a chuckle or two in the back. i don't want to be the one that people feel sorry for or think "who told her she's funny?" i sat in the back for a little while thinking about the set, trying to figure out what went wrong and wishing that someone would just tell me that i'm not right for comedy. if i'm not entertaining anyone what's the point? i watched the rest of the show, some comics worked the crowd well, others did just as bad as i did. right before we left one of the best local comediennes in the area stopped me. she said she loved one of my jokes and asked me why i don't go on stage at more venues then gave me advice on where to go. i felt so flattered.
i guess i'm not really trying to be a comic but joseph is. and he's way better at it and actually has professional material. i go with him to the shows and since i'm there and i have a couple jokes that can make 'm laugh sometimes so i may as well tell my jokes and refine my act. it's not going to be easy every time. and if nothing else, knowing what it's like at the mic will help me be more supportive of joesph.
one comic made a really good point: doing stand-up is like learning to play the guitar but you can only practice for a few minutes at a time and you can only practice in front of an audience. it's rough.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
post secret
i read the new post secrets every week and this one really exeplifies my current mindset. things have been going pretty smooth lately and i haven't really been letting anything get me down. last night my car broke down on my way home from work... and i'm having to consciously not overreact. i can't let this get me down either! that peice of metal has been trying to get me down for a while now... life is still good! now i get to enjoy a scenic bus ride home with opportunities of interacting with folks on my way home. and possibly practice some karate.
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