10 honest things

dorothy has nominated me for the 10 honest things list :) i don't know if mine will be as good though... i can't think of anything as brutally honest as liking the twilight series ;)

1. today i spilled a little coffee on my jeans, then realized that i've been wearing the same pair of pants the last three days... and have kept wearing them because i hadn't spilled anything on them... time to wash

2. i get really bad heartburn when it's "that time" of the month... which makes me sad.

3. choices are really hard for me to make... from what to eat to what career move i want to make... i think part of that is my lack of confidence that i will be good at whatever i choose... it's my illogical fear of regret that causes this...

4. ^ i just realized that as i was typing it...

5. i like hummus a lot. i don't think joseph has ever tried it but he refuses to let me get it at the grocery store... now it's kind of a joke and one time we had like a five minute interchange where i was trying to put it in the cart and he was treating me like ceasar milan trains dogs... it entertained a couple people in the grocery store at the time... but i've still not had any hummus.

6. my hats are cute... but sometimes i'm only wearing it because i don't want to brush my hair.

7. wishing is a waste of time... chasing dreams with action is not...

8. being happy with my choices in life makes everything so much easier... as does realizing that what's meant to happen WILL HAPPEN but i still have to do my part to get it there...

9. i'm pretty sure i've seen every episode of america's next top model... and i don't say that proudly... just honestly... and i think it's a bit worse than dorothy's admition about twilight because nothing about top model reminds me of how much god loves me. it does, however, ispire me in some ways like making useful art that tells a story, to not be boring (impossible, right? you'd think) it's also inspiring as a comic, to be aware of myself and what i'm doing... granted i am NOT aware of everything i'm doing while i'm on stage but it would be really helpful if i were.

10. i, actually really really like my life right now. no, i'm not happy with every single part of my life, but for the most part i am having a great time.

i don't think 7 people even read my blog so the following people should do the same 10 honest things:

molly
sharon
melody
jenny?

good night, blarney stone

last night was the last night for comedy at the blarney... and i'm pretty disappointed that i never got to experience the character-testing audience. the blarney was well known for having harsh audiences, hecklers and talkers. a lot of comics showed up last night... and i think knowing that this was a "last show" somewhere was what drew a lot in... we all needed some sort of closure, i think. a funeral of sorts for the three places that shut down comedy last week.

holy smokes

tuesday we found out that mad house would be closing indefinitely. there were a lot of phone calls, a lot of text messages and a lot of facebook statuses giving kinda different information as to what was really going on but bottom line was that there will be no shows until further notice. we're still really hopeful that it'll be soon but at the longest mad house will be back in business in six months. its crazy that it's only been open near 90 days and has changed so many people's lives... jessica and i were talking about it last night... that we don't want to go back to those silly lives that we had before the club. for me, the club gave my comedy purpose, inspired me and grew me... but i'm not done growing yet either. i'm just getting started, my hunger just began, i just became addicted. we also found out yesterday that the blarney stone will not be doing comedy after this sunday and that dirtbag has put a stop on all comedy plans. they had a show lined up for this saturday that they now will not be doing. that's three comedy venues gone in the past two days. it's like i just became addicted to crack and the world is all the sudden running out of crack. kim is putting an awesome plan into affect... she's starting to round up all the comics and we're going to hit up every open mic out there, and show these places, the world, ourselves that there is a market for comedy. it's possible that we, as comics, needed this as a wake up call. we need to stop san diego from becoming a one-comedy-club-town(did i use those hyphens correctly?). the sad thing, i think, is that even if there were only one comedy club in san diego most of the public would never know the difference. we need to change that...

stand up and design

i've been doing stand-up more often lately... i'm completely addicted. i don't think it really hit me until last friday when i had to finagle my way out of work early, sit in about an hour of traffic to go home and get joe then another 30 minutes or so of traffic, park about 1/2 a mile away and walk to the bar to get on stage for 3 minutes. luckily i've made friends at the place too because if not there'd be no way i'd be get on stage after the amount of people that had to wait to get on the list. yesterday, my regular monday spot, mad house, was closed for the evening so instead i went to lestats in normal heights. it was my first time going there to get on stage and i ended up being too late for the raffle. one friend offered me his spot since he had been on that stage before but the guy running the room said that he couldn't do that and would have to give his spot to the first alternate... i ended up being the 20th alternate. i like that i was able to get on at winstons and that my friend offered me his spot at lestats... i do wonder about those things though... do they do it because they genuinely think i'm funny and deserve the time? or because we're all in it together and helping each other out along the way? or maybe it's some instinctual chivalry because i'm a lady. i guess the real reason does not matter because they wouldn't do things like that if i was so unfunny i'd ruin a show. plus i like my jokes and find them humorous. i do need more practice though. every opportunity i get to be on stage i will take it. bummer that tuesday night is usually a madhouse night and they're closed again. gar! i need some stage time quick. maybe i'll find somewhere that's doing karaoke, put on a slow song and just tell my jokes instead of singing. i wonder how well that would go? it'd definitely be more entertaining than listening to someone sing... maybe if i sang between verses...

in other news i've been busy with graphic design lately as well. making things for mad house, some comics, the highwire pirates and lyralicious. plus my day job and waitressing the mad house on weekends, i'm busy busy busy. never TOO busy though. making sure i get at least 6 hours of sleep so that i maintain functionality. and i never feel like i'm in over my head with places to go and things to do... kinda anxious that i can't do more. joe got me a talet the other day as an early christmas gift which i'm STOKED about. for a long time i did expect that having a tablet would sonlve all my problems because i've wanted one for so long... so i'm learning that i still have a lot to learn in every aspect of life...

introspect

love is a choice, a decision, a commitment. it's our choices and decisions in life that define who we are, not our experiences, pains or family. the only reason that anyone does anything in life is because they want to. positive or negative. i remember falling in love with my husband... and i remember doing it on purpose, not by accident. it didn't just happen on it's own, i let it happen. i remember being in tragic circumstances and letting myself be depressed. those were experiences that i have never felt before and i reveled in it, going deeper and darker hurting myself and everyone around me. it also didn't take more than a few months for me to realize the pain i was causing to everyone around me and that life is nothing without beauty, strength and love. i've experienced a lot of sadness and terrible experiences since that initial one and each time i make a conscious decision to not let that define me... to not sit in the pool of dark emotion that accompanies tragedy. every decision i've made in life has made me who i am today including the decision to let God lead me. there's a really strange thought pervading society that "yourself" is someone out there that needs to be "found." i have no idea where this comes from but i do know that it causes people to stop taking responsibility for their actions and emotions. actions more than emotions because even though we can't control how we feel all the time we CAN control EVERYTHING that we do. always. everything that a person does is because they want to. no other reason. we only do what we want. "well i do things sometimes that i don't want to do but i need to so i do them anyway" then the part of you that needs it is the part that wants it and that's why you do it. "i don't want to pay my bills but i do anyway" that's because you want to stay out of debt. "i don't want to get out of bed every day but i do" that's because you want to keep your job. and it's even those small decisions in life that makes us who we are, having character and reliability, being responsible and making priorities. sometimes it takes being irresponsible to realize that it's not what you want. sometimes people realize that they don't want to be responsible ever and they usually end up jobless and homeless and on drugs or alcohol because it's fun so that becomes their priority. there are things in life that happen out of our control but it's how we act and what we do that defines us.

haven't figured out if this is really the way i feel but i used to tell myself "God is love and love is the only reason to live." i'll have to think on that one some more.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

yeah 24!

life is a day that doesn't last for long

i came across a switchfoot song today that brought back some memories. it's from the album 'meant to live' that came out the year i graduated high school. a lot happened that summer, graduating and leaving my high school friends, dorothy getting married and moving away, starting college. it's amazing how far we've all come since then now as molly is planning her wedding too... and kind of funny to me how much i've matured and how more more i still have to grow. but it's fun to go back to those times in my thoughts, and this song brings back memories especially of sharon and how obsessed with this switchfoot album we were. this wasn't even our favorite song from it but we'd dance around, singing along. what i like about it also is the romanticism that we delved so much into it 12th grade literature class. i'm at work and keep getting distracted, so i'm going to end it here. here's a video of the song. fyi... the lyrics on this video are incorrect with improper punctuation. i didn't make it :)

childhood moments

a couple amusing moments from my childhood that i remembered today:

in first grade i was bragging to one of melody's friends about how good i was at reading. she showed me one of her spelling words and asked me if i knew what it said... i said "cigar" but it was "sugar"

in kindergarten when asking what i wanted to be when i grew up i answered "vegetarian" when i meant "veterinarian"

in first grade we were at an open house for melody's class and i was cold so i put my jacket on... it took me a little while with my little arms but eventually got them into the sleeves. when i finished i looked up and the adults were all smiling at me. i thought that they were just impressed that i could put my jacket on myself but it turns out that i put my jacket on upside down.

it's kinda fun having those memories of being so small and how big everything used to be back then.

make 'm laugh

joseph and i have begun to permeate the local stand-up comedy scene here in san diego. joseph has been having a little more than moderate success at consistently inventing new jokes while improving on his favorites.

i have a couple jokes that entertain folks from time to time. the first couple times i went on stage it went pretty awesome. people laughed and applauded. this most recent time i tried my set on a completely new audience and it went terribly.


after tuesday's set it really made me reconsider ever going on stage again. i tell everyone the funniest stuff i've ever thought of and get nothing in response. besides maybe a chuckle or two in the back. i don't want to be the one that people feel sorry for or think "who told her she's funny?" i sat in the back for a little while thinking about the set, trying to figure out what went wrong and wishing that someone would just tell me that i'm not right for comedy. if i'm not entertaining anyone what's the point? i watched the rest of the show, some comics worked the crowd well, others did just as bad as i did. right before we left one of the best local comediennes in the area stopped me. she said she loved one of my jokes and asked me why i don't go on stage at more venues then gave me advice on where to go. i felt so flattered.

i guess i'm not really trying to be a comic but joseph is. and he's way better at it and actually has professional material. i go with him to the shows and since i'm there and i have a couple jokes that can make 'm laugh sometimes so i may as well tell my jokes and refine my act. it's not going to be easy every time. and if nothing else, knowing what it's like at the mic will help me be more supportive of joesph.

one comic made a really good point: doing stand-up is like learning to play the guitar but you can only practice for a few minutes at a time and you can only practice in front of an audience. it's rough.

genevieve alyssa lopez

I HAVE A NIECE

AND I AM IN LOVE WITH HER!!!

post secret

i read the new post secrets every week and this one really exeplifies my current mindset. things have been going pretty smooth lately and i haven't really been letting anything get me down. last night my car broke down on my way home from work... and i'm having to consciously not overreact. i can't let this get me down either! that peice of metal has been trying to get me down for a while now... life is still good! now i get to enjoy a scenic bus ride home with opportunities of interacting with folks on my way home. and possibly practice some karate.

life is beautiful

the last couple days have been gorgeous! even though i only get to enjoy them on my breaks at work i do enjoy them.

life is a wonderful gift. circustances don't always make sense to me. sometimes i do things that don't make sense to me.

but life is a gift. it is beautiful.

chatter

dear people of earth,

do not ask me "what's wrong?" when i first wake up in the morning. i'm not sleeping anymore. that's what's friggin wrong.

love,
rachael

quantum mechanics

joseph and i watched a show on the history channel a few days ago about lightspeed. there were some interesting topics that were discussed within the topic of lightspeed including spacetime which brought up a lot of questions in my mind. when i have time at work i've been trying to read up on spacetime to have a better understanding of our universe and the way it works. having loved book the time machine in high school i was able to understand some of what i read. i'm trying really hard to understand this more but without having much knowledge about general relativity it's more difficult than i thought. it's also really interesting to me how much theory is involved and how little of it is proven fact.

so this is the new year

i wish the world was flat like the old days
then i could travel just by folding a map
no more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
there'd be no distance that can hold us back
-death cab

artsy film

the other night joseph and i were playing with a cheap video camera i won from work last year. we decided to make artistic short films.

this one is his...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQt5ZFkcVJc

curry

one of the only things i do not like the smell or taste of is curry. and it's not like i just don't like it... i pretty much disdain it. someone sitting near me in our office is eating a curry dish right now and i'm trying really hard to not let it ruin my day. the smell is so freaking pungent... it's actually giving me a headache.

a poem

for the last couple days i've had a few words stuck in my head... it started off with just the words dregs and wormwood and i knew it was from a poem. i began to remember a few more words here and there like fount, perpetual, spring. so i put the words i could remember into google and viola! there it was! it's called childe harold's pilgrimage by george byron. it was a portion of this poem that dorothy and i memorized while eating cocoa popcorn in arkansas four years ago. i love remembering moments like this. everything about that night became so vivid after reading that poem. the way the room looked, the slight chill in the air, hawthorne curled up in my lap and the comforting scent of the house. it's moments like that one that make me realize there's a part of me that never left arkansas although so much has changed in the past four years. if i could i'd fly out this weekend. anyway, here's the portion of the poem:

His had been quaffed too quickly, and he found
The dregs were wormwood; but he filled again,
And from a purer fount, on holier ground,
And deemed its spring perpetual; but in vain!
Still round him clung invisibly a chain
Which galled for ever, fettering though unseen,
And heavy though it clanked not; worn with pain,
Which pined although it spoke not, and grew keen,
Entering with every step he took through many a scene.

---------------------------------------------------

in other news, i'm thinking of turning this blog into a photo journal. now that i have a laptop (yay!) i'll have a way to organize and photoshop (yay!) my pictures the way i used to. might be fun. but if it does happen it'll probably be another week or so because i have a few business cards and postcards to finish.

stuck?

life sometimes feels like there's something stuck in it's spokes, keeping it from rolling forward the way i think it should. what i have to remind myself is that there's never a time when no one is in control and that if i focus too much on what's NOT happening i miss all the awesome things that ARE happening.

i'm surrounded by a group of very supportive and loving people. even those that are not physically close are near my soul. i love you.

vocabulary - falderal

sometimes, bored at work, i'll scroll through dictionary.com. this afternoon i've found my work of the day. I'm going to try to use it sometime today... i might try out "gew-gaw" too... we'll see

fal-de-ral
[fal-duh-ral]
–noun 1. mere nonsense; foolish talk or ideas.
2. a trifle; gimcrack; gew-gaw.
Also, folderol.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Origin:
1695–1705; orig. as a nonsense refrain in songs; of obscure orig.
Dictionary.com Unabridged
Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2009.

throw a stone as high as you can

over the past year or so i've slowly built walls in my mind, created by routine, stress and heartache. by going through the same motions i don't allow myself to break from what i want to be "normal." by stressing about work, money and what people are thinking about me i don't allow myself to fully appriciate every day experiences. by holding on to heartache, opposed to moving on from it, i keep myself from being completely open to love.

the only thing keeping me from doing anything is myself. i'm the only one at fault for trapping my mind and thoughts...

but these walls were never really there



"the escapist" - the streets